


no one's business but our own

by siimplyviibiing (llostt_in_ttranslationn)



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, basically one of the many fics about what would happen without the shark attack, canon compliant until the end of 1x10, everyone is gay im sorry i dont make the rules, im spreading the leatin agenda sorry not sorry, this is a dave goodkind hate account
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:42:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28723773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llostt_in_ttranslationn/pseuds/siimplyviibiing
Summary: what if toni and shelby got to continue their talk up on the bluff?
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 75
Kudos: 723





	1. day twenty-three

**Author's Note:**

> i have watched the wilds 4 times in the past 2 weeks these girls have not left my mind for a single second. i might add more parts to this if i get inspiration but for now it's on its own. i didn't really proofread this yet whoops pls enjoy with or without any mistakes!

“... I don’t think I’ve got it in me to get that scared about something that could be good.” 

And Shelby already knew she was falling for this girl when she uttered “I’m sure” not even twenty-four hours ago, but the deep surge of affection she feels for Toni in this moment burns even hotter than the scorching island sun.

She can’t _not_ touch Toni right now. 

Acutely aware that there are six sets of eyes that could glance up to the bluff at any moment and catch sight of them, Shelby reaches out to caress Toni’s ponytail— to gauge how much anxiety spikes through her at the thought that someone —even as accepting as she knows the girls will be— might see this moment. Evidently, with the way Toni leans her cheek into Shelby’s palm and smiles oh so softly, Shelby finds that in this moment, she simply does not care who could be watching.

So, with less hesitation than anything she’s done in a _long_ while, Shelby leans forward to press her lips against Toni’s. 

And Toni kisses her back, gently, reaching out to rest her hand on Shelby’s cheek, keeping the blonde close even as she breaks the kiss to smile.

Shelby lets out a tiny whine, chasing Toni’s lips, pressing several light kisses to Toni’s smile, until the other girl returns her kisses once again. 

It feels different than their previous kisses, at least to Shelby. She thinks maybe these kisses have a certainty about them that wasn’t there before. They’ve both let down several emotional walls during this conversation, surely, Shelby contemplates as she shifts even closer to Toni, touching her shoulders, neck, cheek, any and every part of Toni that she can in this moment. Maybe kissing someone that you care for and who cares for you in return, is different than the tentative nature of their other encounters. Because as scared as Shelby still is inside, she will not deny herself this pleasure. Because Toni is right, this could be good. It _is_ good. Shelby has ruined a lot of good in her life, and she knows Toni has too. But that is honestly the reason that she thinks this, _them_ , might actually work out. They both accept and acknowledge that they have the capacity to absolutely _shatter_ each other, but there is a trust between them now, too. A trust that they will do everything they can in order to not harm each other in the ways they’ve harmed others in the past.

“We should get back before the others come looking for us,” Toni says softly after she has fully lost count of how long they’ve been up there, practically making out right out in the open for any of their nosy island companions to see.

Shelby sighs, but gives one final, long, soft kiss to Toni’s lips before leaning back completely from their little bubble. “Yeah.”

Toni smiles, rising to her feet slowly, and reaching out a hand to pull Shelby up as well.

Shelby eagerly accepts the unneeded assistance, squeezing Toni’s hand once before letting go. 

They start walking, slow, close enough that their arms brush with almost every step they take.

Shelby basks in the calmness she isn’t sure she’s ever felt before. “Toni?”

“Hmm?” Toni glances at the girl next to her.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just-” Shelby pauses, trying to articulate how grateful she is for the way Toni has reassured her today. “Just, _thank you_ , Toni. You’ve done so much for me today. More than you know.”

“Well, that’s what girlfriends are for I guess,” Toni smiles, then frowns. “Sorry, I don’t mean to assume…”

“No,” Shelby grins. “I think after yesterday, after today… Girlfriend is the right word for this. Us.”

Toni matches Shelby’s grin with one of her own. “ _Us_ ,” she muses quietly. “Who would’ve thought all it would take was a plane crash for me to finally feel happy?”

“Certainly wasn’t in my plans to get my first girlfriend on a deserted island,” Shelby laughs. “I guess God knew this would be the only way for us to make it this far. I don’t think a long weekend in Hawaii would’ve been nearly enough time for me to get to this point. Especially not knowing I’d be going right back to my church, to my parents. I mean, I guess if we ever get outta here, I still will be.”

“Hey,” Toni grabs Shelby’s hand the next time their arms brush. “It’s been twenty-three days, Shelb. Maybe we’ll get rescued tomorrow, maybe we’ll never get off this damn island, but whatever happens, we’ll deal with it together. You, me, and those batshit girls down on the beach. They’re our family now, like it or not. But, just between you and me, I think I’m starting to like it.”

“Even Rachel and Fatin?” Shelby gives a cheeky smile.

“Even them,” Toni confirms. 

“I don’t think I’m ready for everyone to know just yet,” Shelby says quietly after a few moments.

“That’s okay,” Toni gives their joined hands a squeeze. “We’ve got nothing but time here, Shelby. This can be between just you and me for as long as you need. But none of the girls are gonna be upset about this. Hell, they’ll probably be glad you’re not actually a raging homophobe.”

Shelby laughs, because she knows Toni is right. “Fatin already sorta knows, though.”

Toni raises an eyebrow. “Of course she does. Anyone ever teach you about gaydar, Princess?”

And even though Toni uses the nickname in the same teasing way she would’ve back in the early days, there is a distinct lack of malice behind the word that makes Shelby’s heart soar. 

“That’s how…” Shelby chokes a little as she tries to say the word _gay_ . “You think _Fatin_ is…?”

Toni shrugs. “I think everybody on this island could be a little fruity.”

“ _Fruity_?”

Toni rolls her eyes affectionately. “Queer, Shelbs. I wouldn’t be surprised if you and I aren’t the only ones who get together here. We’ll be the hottest couple to come off this island though, of course.”

“ _Of course_ ,” Shelby mimics. “But, _Fatin_? No, you know what, nevermind. I don’t want to gossip and suspect about any of the girls. It doesn’t feel right. I wouldn’t want them doing it about me, so we shouldn’t do it about them.”

“Fair enough,” Toni agrees. “Okay, so, Fatin knows about us?”

“She said somethin’ ‘bout knowin’ sexual tension when she sees it,” Shelby blushes, hoping her sunburnt cheeks hide it.

Toni laughs, loudly. “Fucking Fatin.”

Shelby smiles, pleased that Toni has taken this information in stride. “She said she wouldn’t say anything to the others though, and I believe her.”

“But the important thing is that she didn’t react poorly,” Toni points out. “I think that’s a good thing to remind yourself of in the coming days. Because I’m not gonna say anything about us to the other girls, but I can’t promise none of them will notice the way I look at you and make some inferences.”

“The way you look at me?” Shelby asks. And she has an idea of what Toni means, but she really wants to hear the other girl say it.

Toni halts their trek, using their still joined hands to tug Shelby to face her. She connects their gazes, letting her eyes say everything that she doesn’t know if she can say out loud yet. She’ll try, though, for Shelby. “I can’t help if every time I look at you I remember what you looked like naked under the lychee tree and get the intense urge to ravage you.” And, maybe it’s a little more crude than Toni means to be, but it’s honest. She can’t control the way her emotions shine through her eyes like little pools of _truth_ betraying how she really feels in any given moment. “You’re gorgeous, Shelby. That’s what I’m trying to say, I think. You’re so fucking gorgeous and now you’re _mine_ and I don’t think I can disguise that in my eyes.”

Shelby always hated when Andrew would say she was “his girl” like he owned her or some fucked up shit along those lines. But the way Toni said that Shelby is _hers_ doesn’t feel unsettling at all. It feels right. It feels like a promise. “Well a’right then Casanova, I guess we’ll have to hope our friends are as blind as the bats in this island’s caves.”

“Maybe they’ll think I’m just glaring at you,” Toni offers. “Like before.”

“You don’t gotta pretend to still hate me. I don’t want our wires to get crossed playin’ that game of deceit. I think we’ve been doin’ an okay job of keepin’ our cool around the others ever since I first kissed you. No reason to believe we can’t keep that up. Just until… Well I don’t know what, exactly, but it won’t be for forever.”

Toni doesn’t say that things are different now than they were in the days following their first kiss. Now she has intimate knowledge of Shelby’s body and soul that no one else on Earth has ever had access to, which presents a very interesting obstacle in Toni trying to straddle the line between i-sort-of-dont-hate-shelby-anymore and i-have-made-shelby-orgasm-with-my-mouth in front of the other six girls on the island. She had done fine earlier today, with Shelby distracted with butchering the goat, and Toni herself distracted by Marty’s clear turmoil. But going forward Toni has no fucking clue how she’s going to manage some sort of casualness with Shelby that won’t give them away.

Instead of voicing her worries that might spook Shelby, Toni says, “can I get one last kiss before we rejoin the chaos?”

“Well of course,” Shelby grins.

And “one last kiss” turns into them once again nearly making out, but luckily none of the girls decide to wander into the forest at that exact moment, and Toni and Shelby cross the threshold between forest and beach as inconspicuously as possible.

“There y’all are!” Dot says from her spot right by the fire. “We were about to send out a search party in case y’all decided to kill each other.”

“We just ran into each other in the woods and decided to head back together before it got dark,” Toni offers casually.

Shelby makes her way over to Fatin, who is smirking but thankfully keeps any inappropriate comments to herself. She plops down onto the sand next to her friend. And, _God_ , Shelby has actual friends now. And a _girlfriend_ , who kicks off her sneakers and settles on a log across the fire from where Shelby now sits.

“It feels so good to be full,” Fatin practically purrs, stretching out her limbs in a cat-like manner and then collapsing against Shelby’s side. 

And _oh_ , not only does Shelby have friends now, but she has friends that are comfortable enough to engage in casual physical contact. She hasn’t had this since Becca, and while that fact stings, Fatin’s warmth and the soft pressure where their limbs meet is _nice_ . And Fatin _knows_ . She knows Shelby is-- That Shelby is _gay_. And she doesn’t give a single fuck about it, in the best way. Shelby doesn’t think she could ever have even dreamed about such a simple acceptance, but here Fatin is, curling against her side, bony elbow jabbing Shelby’s ribs with not even a second thought that she’s basically cuddling with a girl who is attracted to other girls.

“I second that,” Dot agrees heartily. “And I’ve been thinkin’ that if there’s one goat on this island, there’s likely more. So I wanna organize a hunting party in the next couple of days to see if we can’t find a couple others. We can’t let ourselves go without food for so long again.”

The rest of the girls seem to agree with that plan. None of them want to be on the brink of death due to starvation again if they can instead be proactive with their food sources.

“I think maybe I might be able to figure out a way to smoke what’s left of the goat, or anything else we find, so it’ll last longer out here,” Shelby chips in. 

“On the Res we had a workshop about preserving big game without salt,” Toni offers, “maybe I can help.”

Martha rolls her eyes. “You never paid attention to a single one of the workshops we went to.”

“Okay, well maybe I subconsciously absorbed some useful information,” Toni says, feeling the beginnings of her anger bubbling at Martha’s accusatory tone. She reminds herself that Martha is going through something right now after having killed the goat, and that she probably doesn’t mean to have sounded so harsh.

“Is that something we should be doing tonight or can it wait until tomorrow?” Rachel asks.

“Ideally as soon as possible,” Shelby glances up at the sky, blue mixing with the pink, purple, and orange of the island’s typically beautiful sunset. “Maybe we can make something quick tonight to start the process and adapt it when we catch more food.”

“Does that mean you’re gonna get up and leave me cold and alone?” Fatin grumbles in her usual endearingly exaggerated manner.

“I think me and Toni can handle it, so you’ll still have five other cuddle-buddy options.”

Fatin sits up on her own, allowing Shelby to slip away, Toni following closely behind. Fatin spreads her arms wide, presenting herself. “Alright, who wants me?”

And if nothing else, Fatin can pride herself on always making the girls laugh in this hellscape. Her next target ends up being Leah, who is now the closest girl to Fatin. 

“Okay, Rilke. Guess it’s your turn,” Fatin crawls over and deposits herself into Leah’s lap.

“Um, okay,” Leah fumbles awkwardly before wrapping her arms loosely around Fatin’s waist.

“I miss sleeping on a bed,” Fatin mumbles.

“Maybe we should try and weave together sleeping mats or something,” Nora suggests.

“Bet there was a workshop on the Res for that, huh Martha?” 

Martha simply shrugs.

“Okay then, for the next couple of days we’ll split into two groups. A few of us will hunt, and whoever remains at camp will watch over the meat smoking and weave some beds for us,” Dot decides. “Sound okay to you guys?”

“As long as I don't have to hike through the woods, I’m all for it,” Fatin says.

“Anyone else have a preference?” Dot asks.

“I’m all for joining the hunting party,” Rachel says. 

“Me too,” Leah adds. “I’ll get antsy if I have to sit around on the beach all day.”

“Question is now, is our fourth member gonna be Toni or Shelby?” 

“Toni or Shelby, what?” Toni asks as she and Shelby rejoin the group once again, this time with a crude imitation of what seems to be a meat smoking rack.

“Hunting duty,” Dot explains. “Me, Rachel, and Leah already decided to go. You or Shelby will fill the last spot.”

Toni frowns at the prospect of being separated from Shelby for such an extended period of time. “I’ll go.”

“I’m the only one with actual hunting experience though,” Shelby points out.

“You’re also the only one who knows shit about smoking meat. Once you teach Nora and Marty how to do it, then you graduate to hunting,” Toni says.

Shelby rolls her eyes. “Who died and put you in charge of me? Hmm?”

“Woah there, guys,” Dot cuts in, feeling an argument brewing. “We’ll obviously all end up doing everything at some point. No need to worry about who does what first, ‘kay?”

“Let me get to work on slicing up the rest of the goat real thin so it’ll smoke easier. Then I think I’ll turn in for the night if that’s alright with you, boss?” She sends a pointed look to Toni. 

“Wouldn’t want you to miss out on any beauty sleep. Obviously you need it,” Toni smirks.

And to everyone else, it seems like their usual bickering, but the duo themselves, and maybe a half-asleep Fatin might hear the lack of malice and notice that instead of arguing their verbal sparring is now more akin to _flirting_.

“Someone should probably stay up and keep an eye on the meat throughout the night,” Shelby says while hanging strips of goat onto the rack she and Toni had assembled to hang over the fire.

“I can take the first shift,” Leah offers. “I won’t be able to fall asleep for a while anyways. Just tell me what I need to watch for?”

“You can wake me up when you need to rest and I’ll take the second shift,” Nora says.

“Great!” Shelby grins brightly in the dusky light of the fire. “Well, I’m gonna go ahead and scrub my hands in the ocean real quick and then off to bed I go!”

“I’ll walk with you down to the water. Could use the chilly sea breeze after such a long day,” Toni stands up as well.

“Don’t you two be plottin’ to drown each other now,” Dot laughs out a warning.

Toni gracefully flips her off as she and Shelby head toward the ocean.

“Can’t keep yourself away from me, huh?” Shelby teases once they’re out of earshot of the other girls.

“Not when we’re gonna spend all night _and_ all of tomorrow apart,” Toni shrugs honestly.

“Already used to sleepin’ next to me after just one night?” Shelby smirks.

“I think we already established that there simply isn’t _close enough_ when it comes to my _need_ for you. Except maybe, you know, _inside_.”

“Toni!” Shelby feels her cheeks heating up.

They reach the edge of the water, and Shelby crouches down to scrub the goat’s blood off of her hands. 

“I don’t think anyone suspects anything so far,” Toni says casually, letting the gentle waves lap at her bare feet.

“Yes, you’ve been very well behaved tonight,” Shelby agrees. “Loved that line about me needing my beauty sleep. Real classy.”

“Figured I should knock you down a few pegs in front of the girls so they don’t notice a change,” Toni shrugs. “You know I think you’re incredibly sexy, _especially_ when you’re up late partaking in activities that waste precious sleep time.”

“ _Toni_ ,” Shelby groans. “You’re gonna be the death of me, woman.”

Toni just laughs in response.

“Okay, look the other way for a minute I’m gonna rinse my retainer while we’re here,” Shelby says.

“Yes, ma’am,” Toni dutifully turns around and stares up the beach towards their friends around the fire. “Can you keep an eye on Marty tomorrow here at camp? Something's been off with her since the goat, and I’m worried.”

Shelby clicks her retainer back into place and then puts a hand on Toni’s shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye out for her. You be safe with that huntin’ though, ‘kay?”

“Aw, you worry about me?” Toni’s voice is teasing, but her eyes are sincere. “Of course I will. I’ll even try to keep Rachel and Leah from brawling and scaring all our food away.”

“Look at you, Shalifoe, going from picking fights to preventing them. That’s growth,” Shelby grins, beginning to walk back. 

“Yeah, well a really hot girl cooled my temper a bit and now I can do this thing called rational thinking. Pretty wild concept for me, but I gotta say I like the reward for being good.”

“And what would that be?” Shelby raises an eyebrow.

“Guess you’ll have to get me alone at some point and you’ll find out,” Toni offers a smirk and a wink and absolutely nothing else as they almost return to earshot of their friends. “Goodnight Shelby.”

“G’night, Toni. Sleep well,” Shelby whispers. 

“I’d sleep better by your side, but I’ll manage on my own,” Toni gives a sweet smile before they go their separate ways for the night.


	2. day twenty-four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still leaving this marked as complete even though i might keep coming back to it. can't help that i've grown so attached to this little universe already.

“Do you think they’ve caught anything yet?”

“ _ I think _ asking that question every five minutes is gettin’ real old, Fatin,” Shelby grumbles.

“Okay then grumpypants,” Fatin laughs. “You don’t even have a watch you can’t possibly know how frequently I’ve been asking.”

“Sorry,” Shelby sighs. “The sun is just really bakin’ down on us today. We oughta consider building a shelter again.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Nora agrees. “That way we can just weave together one big mat for the floor of the shelter instead of separate ones for each of us. Simpler that way.”

“Well, we’ll let you pitch that to your sister when our dear hunters get back, because I’m sure Dot will be all for it,” Fatin says. 

“Rachel has been less disagreeable than usual, actually, so I would say our biggest detriment might be Toni getting angry and tearing the new shelter down before it’s done,” Nora offers.

Something tightens uncomfortably in Shelby’s gut. The urge to say something to defend Toni is strong, but she manages to bury it down. If only because she knows Toni has been calmer recently and isn’t likely to prove Nora right. 

“Something tells me we might not need to worry about Toni’s destructive streak as much anymore,” Fatin eyes Shelby with a discreet smirk. At Martha and Nora’s doubtful looks, she continues. “Girl has major hanger issues,” Fatin shrugs. “If we keep finding food I think we’ll remain unscathed.”

And Shelby could kiss Fatin with how grateful she is for the other girl’s quick thinking. Well, that might actually not go over too well in terms of not stirring up trouble in camp, but she’s glad Fatin is at least having an easier time not spilling the beans than Shelby is at the moment.

It’s so strange to Shelby, being in a relationship that she actually wants to talk about. She wants to gush about how much she likes Toni, like she’s the lead of some rom-com that her father despises. If only the hateful way she was raised didn’t have her throat in a vice grip anytime she even thought the word  _ gay _ . Shelby wants so desperately to be proud of who she is, but she honestly feels like vomiting at even the idea of the rest of the girls  _ knowing _ .

_ Fatin knows, and she’s happy for you. The others will be too, _ Shelby reminds herself sharply.

She wants the hunting group to come back already, because Shelby apparently can’t seem to keep her cool when Toni isn’t around. It’s like all her old doubts come flooding back when Toni isn’t there to reassure her, even silently, that things are gonna be okay.

With a loud groan, Shelby flops onto her back in the sand and stares up at the bright blue sky.

“Girl, me too,” Fatin laughs at the dramatics, collapsing down next to Shelby. “Where are those sexy hunters of ours? I am bored out of my mind weaving this mat!”

“Let’s just say I am definitely not staying back at camp next time hunting is on the day’s itinerary,” Shelby says.

“Maybe you can sub out Leah next time,” Fatin offers. 

“You really care ‘bout her, huh?” Shelby asks, propping herself up on her elbows so she can look at Fatin as they talk.

Fatin shrugs, smiling softly. “We just sorta get each other, you know? I worry when she’s off doing god knows what in the woods. I don’t like that I’m not there in case she has an episode or something.”

“Fatin that sounds a bit like…” Shelby trails off, frowning. It’s not her place. She’s just got Toni’s words from yesterday stuck in her head, is all. She’s not seriously implying that Fatin has  _ a crush _ on Leah. That would be absurd.

Fatin tilts her head knowingly, shrugging again with a self-deprecating smile. “What can I say? Three weeks without an orgasm has really put some things into perspective for me.”

Shelby glances across the still-burning fire to where Martha and Nora are weaving in companionable silence. Neither give any indication that they are trying to listen in on Fatin and Shelby’s quiet conversation.

“Well, I don’t really know much about Leah’s situation with that author, but I feel that anything is possible on this damn island, if that boosts your spirit at all,” Shelby says.

“Back at home, Leah and I went to an arts school. I wouldn’t say anybody who went to that place is 100% straight, if you know what I mean,” Fatin smirks. She frowns after a moment, “I’m not really the ‘relationship type’ though, and I wouldn’t wanna drag Leah into all my shit. She deserves better than what I could give to her in this godforsaken place.”

“We’re free here, though, Fatin,” Shelby repeats Toni’s words from all those days ago. “You can be anybody you wanna be on this island, and there’s nobody to tell you that you’re wrong for it.”

“Ugh, look at you being all reasonable and shit now,” Fatin grins. “That’s what I call character development!”

Shelby rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “Just think about it, Fatin. We could be rescued tomorrow and have to go back to our old lives, or we could die here. How do you wanna spend however much of this freedom we’ve got left?”

“Well, preferably  _ not _ starving to death. And probably not by getting attacked by a shark or some shit. Much to think about,” Fatin hums. “Thank you for this insightful chat, Shelby. I gotta go take a piss but I will think about all this.”

“Anytime,” Shelby offers a bright smile as Fatin stands up and heads towards the forest.

She drops onto her back once again, slinging an arm over her eyes to shield them from the sun. 

* * *

“I know we’ve only been out here for a couple of hours but when do we call it a loss and head back?” Leah huffs out, slouching awkwardly to slide underneath  _ another _ low hanging branch.

“Mid-afternoon, maybe,” Dot offers.

“That’s really unhelpful in a place where we have no way to tell time.”

Dot shrugs. “I think we either find food or stumble home when the sun starts to set. Anything else would feel too much like a waste of a day.”

“Keep your eyes peeled for animal shit, Shelby said that’s how you know you’re close,” Toni tells the group.

“Can’t believe you’re following  _ Shelby’s  _ advice,” Rachel scoffs.

Toni frowns, a jolt of heat pumping through her veins. The first tell-tale sign of anger. She takes a sharp inhale to try and keep her cool. 

“Shelby’s the closest thing we've got to a real hunter,” Dot says. “If it’s anyone’s advice we should be taking on this, it’s hers.”

Toni breathes out, soothed that Dot has her fellow Texan’s back.

“I just don’t get how some of you guys are suddenly so chill with our resident raging homophobe. I mean, c’mon, why does that not still piss anybody else off?” Rachel swats at a branch to get it out of her way.

Toni clenches her fist tightly.  _ Don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out _ .

“Shelby’s dad’s a pastor,” Dot reminds them. “I think if she grew up without such bigoted parents shoving their views down her throat, she’d be a little less tense about it.”

Toni wishes she could get her hands on Shelby’s dad. She’d love to knock him around a bit. For the way he has continually damaged such a beautiful human. For the pain he has caused Shelby. For how he has made it nearly impossible for Shelby to think for herself without the crippling fear of being punished for it. Toni would tear him apart with her bare fucking hands if she ever got the chance.

“We’ve all got shit that has fucked us up, Rachel,” Leah says. “And as fucked as it is to be trapped on this island, I think it’s healing us all a little more each day. Shelby’s changed since the mussel incident, we’ve all seen that.”

Toni nods, mostly to herself, relieved that at least Dot and Leah can see how hard Shelby has been trying to be better.

“Okay well when she publicly denounces her previous prejudice and apologizes to all the gay people on this island, maybe I’ll consider reevaluating my perception of her,” Rachel says.

“‘All the gay people’? You mean Toni?” Dot asks.

Rachel rolls her eyes. “ _ Yeah, sure _ .”

And with that comment, it clicks in Toni’s mind why Rachel is still so dead set on hating Shelby. She’s got a personal stake in the matter.  _ I told Shelby this island was a fucking fruit basket _ , Toni laughs silently to herself.

“I don’t know if she has to go that far, Rachel,” Leah says in a placating tone. “I mean, I’m not fully straight and I’ve accepted that Shelby’s working to be better.”

_ That’s at least 4 out 8 of us, not even including Fatin _ , Toni smirks.  _ At least half of this damn island is officially some sort of gay. Fucking glorious! _

“What is it, national coming out day?” Dot laughs. “No wonder everybody was so offended by the mussel incident.”

“Well after the way Shelby was treating Toni for being openly gay, maybe some of us figured it’d be smart not to let her know she’s surrounded by non-straight girls,” Rachel snarls.

“You need to lay off Shelby for that!” Toni finally snaps.

The other three girls go silent at her outburst.

“Would’ve thought you’d be the one to agree with me the hardest. Fuckin’ figures,” Rachel scoffs.

Rage bubbles deep in Toni’s gut, and she feels herself trembling with the effort of not lashing out.  _ Don’t freak out, Don’t freak out, Don’t freak out. _

“Guys, look!” Dot hisses, putting a hand up to prevent anymore arguing. She points through the trees to a small clearing, where at least half a dozen goats are grazing on the long grass.

And suddenly, they’re all on the same side again.

* * *

The heat is just lulling Shelby into an unconscious state when Fatin’s loud return jostles her awake before she can really even sleep at all.

“Guess who I ran into in the woods!” Fatin shouts, and that really washes all the disorientation out of Shelby’s brain.

She sits up quickly, immediately following Fatin’s voice to the group of five heading straight towards Shelby and the rest of camp.

Rachel and Toni are lugging what Shelby assumes to be the body of another goat, but all the human members of their party seem to be unscathed, thankfully.

She can see, even from several yards away, that there’s a crinkle in Toni’s eyebrows that is a clear indication of annoyance. Maybe she’d been just as grumpy as Shelby due to their time apart?

It’ll be a while still before Shelby gets the chance to ask about it, because they deposit the goat right in front of her, and Dot plops down to join her, ready to assist in the butchering.

“We found a whole herd, but figured we shouldn’t be too greedy in our hunting. Wouldn’t wanna wipe them all out too fast, y’know?”

Shelby nods at Dot’s assessment. As much as she’d rather go check on Toni, who has settled on a piece of driftwood pretty far down the beach away from the other seven girls, she knows she’s the only one who can cut up this goat in the most efficient way.

“Okay, honestly I don’t think I can watch you guys prepare that,” Fatin cringes at the goat. “I’ll go keep little miss hanger in check.”

Fatin gives Shelby a reassuring smile before skipping off, and it helps Shelby to relax, knowing Toni won’t be stewing in her thoughts alone. 

* * *

“What the fuck do you want?” Toni asks when Fatin plops down onto the sand in front of her.

“I can’t believe you pulled the sunshine incarnate with that grouchy attitude of yours.”

“Don’t talk about her,” Toni snarls.

Fatin raises her hands to show she means no harm. “Hey, you know I’m the number one Shoni supporter. Put those claws away, kitten.”

“The fuck is a Shoni?”

“You and Shelby’s couple name,” Fatin rolls her eyes as if this is obvious information.

“I’m really not in the mood for any bullshit right now, Fatin,” Toni sighs, digging her hands into the sand and squeezing at it.

“I’m just here to make sure you keep your cool while your girl butchers up our dinner,” Fatin says.

_ My girl _ , Toni smiles.  _ Damn right. _

“Knew that would soften you right up,” Fatin smirks.

“Fuck off,” Toni grumbles, but she’s still smiling.

“She’s been grumpy all day too, being  _ so _ far from you for  _ so  _ long,” Fatin teases.

“Out of everyone on this damn island it had to be the most obnoxious one who picked up on me and Shelby first,” Toni rolls her eyes, but there’s no anger in her voice.

“Be better at hiding your obvious lady boner for the sexy blonde next time I guess,” Fatin shrugs casually.

“Watch it, Jadmani,” Toni growls. “Besides, I didn’t even stop hating her until like two weeks in. No way you noticed anything before then.”

“Girl, Shelby has had the hots for you since she stepped on the fucking plane,” Fatin laughs. “That’s obviously why you guys clashed so much. You could see she wasn’t being one hundred percent real, and she was trying desperately to hide her truth. Ergo, major sexual tension until y’all fucked in the woods or whatever.”

“We did not  _ fuck in the woods _ !” 

“So you haven’t banged yet?” Fatin raises an eyebrow in challenge.

“That’s none of your fucking business,” Toni glares.

Fatin smirks. “Can’t believe you took Shelby’s virginity on a fucking deserted island!”

“Fatin!” Toni hisses. She knows none of the other girls can hear them way over where they are, but she doesn’t like the flippant way Fatin is talking about something so  _ important _ .

“Hey, I’m not judging. It’s done wonders for you both.”

“I don’t want you to bring it up to Shelby, okay?” Toni’s voice is soft, but firm. “She doesn’t need anybody else’s input on it, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Fatin gives a two-fingered salute. She gives a small, sincere smile, “I’m happy for you guys.”

Toni grins in return. “Thanks, Fatin.”

* * *

“Hey.”

Toni looks up, though she doesn’t need visual confirmation of who just sat down next to her. “Hey.”

“Bein’ the official butcher of this place is exhausting,” Shelby sighs, slumping against the driftwood Toni is still perched on, even after Fatin is long gone.

“How was the rest of your day? Y’know, before having to yank out the guts of a goat.”

Shelby frowns, sifting through her thoughts and feelings from the morning. There’s one thing that stands out more than anything else. “I missed you.”

Toni smiles, softer than she has maybe ever. “I missed you too… God, I know I said the other girls are like family now, but sometimes being around them makes me want to go apeshit.”

Shelby leans closer, resting her shoulder against Toni’s calf. “Somethin’ happen?”

“Just Rachel being Rachel,” Toni shrugs. All she can think about right now is the warmth of Shelby’s skin against her own where they’re pressed together.

“Lemme guess,” Shelby says. “She said somethin’ nasty ‘bout me and you got real mad about it.”

“I… controlled myself. Mostly.”

Shelby tilts her head so she can meet Toni’s eyes. She gives a smile. “Proud of you for that.”

“Thanks, Shelb. She just doesn’t understand why you acted the way you did, and I couldn’t exactly explain it to her, y’know? But Dot and Leah really had your back. It was nice to see them defend you, even not knowing the truth.”

“I’m sorry that keepin’ this all a secret is such a stressor. I’m working up to being able to be honest with the other girls,” Shelby sighs. “It’s just hard to reconcile that the God my father preached to me for seventeen years may not actually send me to burn in Hell just because I… because I like girls. Because I like  _ you _ .”

Toni slides off the driftwood and onto the sand, so she and Shelby are shoulder-to-shoulder, semi-hidden by the chunk of wood behind them. She reaches out to tentatively grasp Shelby’s hand, low enough that the other girls will be none-the-wiser. “There’s no timetable for this all, Shelby. I told you I’m game for waiting as long as you need to be comfortable, even if we end up off the island before that happens. That still hasn’t changed.”

“You’re so good to me,” Shelby squeezes Toni’s hand lightly. “I hate that I’m so terrified still. But my father, his church… Toni, he facilitated conversion therapy in our damn living room! I’m so worried he’ll pop up here and tear me away from you to try and fix me. I’m not strong enough to handle that.”

“Oh, Shelby,” Toni coos. She knew Shelby’s home life was bad, but she didn’t know it was  _ that bad _ . “Baby, you’re safe here, okay? And if and when we get off this island, I promise you, I will keep you safe out in the real world too. You won’t have to go back to Texas, I swear to you. You will  _ never  _ have to deal with that bullshit again.”

“How can you be so sure?” Shelby asks weakly.

“Because even our country’s corrupt fucking government wouldn’t dare force you to go back to a place you’re so unsafe. Not with all the hell I’ll be raising if they even try. Worst case scenario we fucking run away together until you turn eighteen. And even that’s not so bad, hmm?”

_ Thank you, God, for bringing me to such a kind-hearted and compassionate woman. I’ve had my struggles so far, but You’ve proven yet again that You do indeed have a plan for me that doesn’t include eternal suffering. I’m sorry if I ever doubted that You would guide me through these trying times. _

In her head, Shelby prays. Out loud, she says, “you are exactly what God intended for me, Toni Shalifoe.”

And even though Toni doesn’t necessarily believe in Shelby’s God, she understands exactly what Shelby means. Fate may not fucking exist, but she and Shelby certainly seem to be inevitable. And that’s something even Toni is willing to accept as true.

“I think tomorrow would be a great time for us to go pick some more lychees,” Toni says, instead of doing something stupid like kissing Shelby where all their friends could see.

Shelby simply grins in response. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts? things to add if i continue?


	3. day twenty-nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i'm literally so obsessed and inspired by this ship that i'm posting two chapters in one day this is WILD. thank you all for such positive feedback, i appreciate it so much and it makes me want to write more and more. i already have like half of the next chapter written, so that'll probably be up tomorrow. just a heads up, keep an eye on the title of each chapter for what day on the island it is, because things are progressing a little faster now. enjoy!

“You know if we were in February on a leap year it would be the last day of the month.”

“Thank you for that tidbit of information, Nora,” Dot says with a confused tilt to her head.

“You guys know what that means?” Fatin asks. She doesn’t wait long enough for anyone else to answer. “It means we should fucking party!”

  
“Normally I’d say we shouldn’t waste a whole day slacking off, but we’ve got plenty to eat, and a newly built shelter, so let’s fucking party!” Rachel agrees.

“Let’s get those gummies and that vodka in circulation, ladies!” Fatin shouts.

“Hey, speaking of the gummies,” Martha whispers to Toni, who she is sharing a piece of driftwood with. “Have you been sneaking them or something? You’ve been eerily calm for like, a whole week.”

“I don’t need to be high to not flip out on anybody for a few days, Marty,” Toni frowns.

“No, I know,” Martha says placatingly. “I just feel like you don’t talk to me anymore. Like, I know I said I wasn’t gonna clean up your messes anymore, but I really didn’t think you not creating chaos would be what makes us drift apart.”

And Toni aches, somewhere deep inside her chest. Everything in her head has been  _ ShelbyShelbyShelby _ . Has that been driving a wedge between her and Marty?  _ No _ , Toni decides. Their friendship had been splintering since before they even stepped onto the ill-fated plane. That was one of the reasons Toni even signed up for the goddamn trip to Hawaii. She wanted to get their friendship back on track. Though, being so wrapped up in Shelby this past week might have furthered the delicate state of disarray between her and Martha. Not that Martha has made too much effort before just now to see how Toni’s doing, though.

“We aren’t drifting apart, Marty,” Toni tells her firmly. “I’ve been working on myself, and I’ve been trying to give you any space you might need to do the same. I haven’t been avoiding you or anything,” And it’s not even technically a lie, because Toni has been working on her anger problems and she has been trying to let Marty work through the goat situation and maybe even what happened back home with that piece of shit doctor. Though, admittedly, Toni has been slipping away into the forest with Shelby any chance she has, as well.

“Gummy?” Dot leans over to them, holding out the small bag. 

Toni reaches out and takes an edible first, and then Martha hesitantly grabs one too. “After my last time, one can’t hurt, right?” She gives a self-deprecating laugh.

“Shelby, you wanna join us this time or are you gonna stick to downing all our vodka?” Dot asks.

Shelby glances around at the rest of the girls, her eyes lingering on Toni’s for a moment. She wants to say no, she wants to keep her head as clear as possible so she doesn’t slip up and say something she shouldn’t. But she also wants to fit in, and most of the girls are just starting to trust her again, and it’s so delicate still that Shelby gives in and reaches out for the bag, popping one of the gummies in her mouth before she can change her mind.

Toni bites her bottom lip to keep from voicing the fact that she thinks maybe Shelby should’ve refused. She doesn’t want Shelby to end up revealing something to the other girls that she may not be entirely ready to elaborate on yet. 

“I wish we had some fucking music for this party!” Fatin complains, head resting on Shelby’s lap and legs sprawled across Leah’s.

“I doubt if we had access to music the eight of us would ever end up agreeing on what to listen to,” Nora says.

“You’re so right,” Fatin gives an exaggerated sigh. “We could freestyle some more P!nk songs?”

“Hard pass on that one,” Rachel laughs.

“I never really could wrap my head around the fact that P!nk isn’t gay,” Fatin tells them, unprompted. “Like, that haircut screams ‘I eat pussy!’ and you guys can’t say I’m wrong.”

“We’ve talked about stereotypes before Fatin,” Toni reminds her. “You of all people should know that not everyone who likes girls looks gay as hell.”

“What do you mean, that Fatin ‘of all people’ should know?” Nora wonders.

Shelby tenses, but no one is looking at her.

Fatin grins. “I’m like, super into the ladies as well, that’s all Toni means. I shouldn’t be judging a book by its cover when I look about as straight as they come.”

And Shelby realizes a moment too late that the way she is still tensed is going to go over poorly with the group. Instead of it reading like she’s uncomfortable that her secret might come out because Fatin knows about how un-gay Shelby looks versus how very gay that Shelby is, and that Fatin could easily spill those beans, it just looks like Shelby is once again uncomfortable at the mention of homosexuality because the group still thinks she’s a raging homophobe. 

“Got a problem with girls who don’t act gay but are gay, Shelby?” Rachel practically dares.

Shelby can feel the THC from the gummy hazing up her brain and slowing her processing ability. “N-no,” she denies. And then, getting a jolt of confidence from the drugs as well, she straightens up from her spot on a log. “It may come as a surprise to some of y’all but I have changed greatly since our first week here. I know my previous thoughts an’ actions were wrong, an’ I am so so sorry to any of y’all who I offended with anything I said. I deeply regret my behavior and the fact I may have made anyone here feel unsafe to be who they truly are… My God would never discriminate against anyone for being homosexual, I know that now.”

She looks around at the faces of her  _ friends _ , anxious to see how they are soaking this information in. 

Fatin has her head craned back in Shelby’s lap so she can look up at Shelby, giving her an upside-down grin and an attempt at a wink.

Leah, fingers fiddling with the cuff of Fatin’s pant leg, appraises Shelby with her scrutinizing blue gaze. When she seems to find truth in Shelby’s words, she gives a barely-noticeable nod of approval.

Dot sits with an “I’ll be damned” expression on her face. She’s glad Shelby has made it past whatever shitty ideas their small conservative town put into her head.

Nora is smiling; a simple, small, relieved smile that seems to lift a disproportionately large chunk of weight off of her.

Rachel has her eyes narrowed, not quite convinced this is anything other than another bullshit ploy to get back into the group’s good graces. Shelby will have to try harder to gain Rachel’s respect back, if she ever had it at all.

Martha looks conflicted. Perhaps she too is pessimistic in how honest Shelby is or isn’t being with her new views, but still wanting deeply to see the good in Shelby that she first thought was abundant all those weeks ago.

And Toni has a tiny grin on her face, just a little smile with barely half her mouth, but it makes Shelby’s pulse race, because her eyes are so damn soft that Shelby in her intoxicated state almost forgets to fucking breathe. Toni is proud of her, Shelby realizes, and it’s a feeling that rivals the weed gummies for making Shelby feel like she could fly.

“What a fucking shame we didn’t reach this point before pride month ended!” Fatin laughs loudly at her own joke.

_ Maybe if we ever get off this damn island, we can all go to a pride parade together _ , Shelby thinks to herself. She’d voice that promising thought, but she’s not sure she or the group is ready for her to be so openly in favor of such an idea.  _ You still haven’t told them you’re gay yet _ , Shelby reminds herself.

And she almost just blurts it out right then and there, high on the gummies and the impossibly lighter atmosphere of the group. But her throat tightens at the thought of saying  _ I’m a lesbian _ or even  _ I’m gay _ out loud.  _ Soon _ , Shelby promises herself.  _ Baby steps _ . Maybe next time the group talks about this, she’ll even be able to admit things while sober.

“Oh my god, wait,” Martha perks up. “Have you and Toni been talking through all this stuff? Is that why she told me you aren’t actually all that bad?” Martha swivels between Shelby and Toni several times. “Is that why you guys haven’t been fighting as much? Are you guys friends now?”

She seems excited at the prospect, because for the first week they were stuck here, all she wanted was for her best friend and new friend to get along.

Shelby reaches up to grasp at the cross that hangs around her neck, willing herself to form an adequate explanation.

“We hashed it out when we decided to spend the night at the lychee tree when we were lost,” Toni answers before Shelby has to stutter through something with her suddenly numb tongue. 

Predictably, Shelby blushes at the mere mention of that first night they spent together, but no one seems to notice with her sunburned cheeks and the light of the setting sun.

“I think I really got Shelby to see things my way, y’know?” Toni smirks, and if any of the other girls other than Shelby or even Fatin get the implication, they don’t mention it.

“Okay, Miss Ego,” Shelby manages to choke out. “I came to most of my conclusions on my own!”

Fatin snorts, “You  _ came _ . Ha!”

And what really is progress, is the fact that Shelby just laughs along with the rest of the girls at Fatin’s dirty mind and immature joke, instead of flipping out at the slightest indication of  _ that _ with a girl.

“Does anybody else need to take a piss?” Toni asks abruptly, eying Shelby in a way that makes the blonde stumble to her feet as well.

“I could use a bathroom break,” Shelby says carefully, hoping she’s following the right cues.

Fatin grumbles something about losing her pillow of Shelby’s legs as she crawls fully into Leah’s lap. “Don’t fall in! Oh wait, we don’t even have fucking toilets. Ha! Don’t fall over into your piss, I guess. Somebody pass the vodka!”

And with the other girls distracted by Fatin’s antics, Toni and Shelby slip into the woods without a second glance in their direction from any of the girls.

“God Bless Fatin and her ability to draw all the attention straight to herself, huh?” Shelby chuckles good-naturedly as they walk deep enough into the forest that they won’t be seen if anyone does follow after them for some reason.

And Shelby is just turning to face Toni, to ask why her gaze had been so insistent that Shelby join her on her trip to pee, when Toni grabs her hips and pushes her roughly against the nearest tree, mouth instantly latching onto Shelby’s neck in hot, wet, open-mouthed kisses.

“You’re so fucking hot, Shelb,” Toni tells her, nipping at what she knows is a very sensitive spot at the base of Shelby’s neck. “I’m so proud of you for saying all that. Fuck, that gummy is going to my head, I want to fuck you so bad right now.”

Shelby moans, because with the way Toni is kissing and licking and biting her neck, along with saying such sweet and sexy things, Shelby doesn’t have much self control in that regard right now, either. “The girls are basically all right on the other side of the trees,” Shebly reminds them both.

Toni presses their lips together, licking into Shelby’s mouth the moment the blonde relents to the tongue probing at the seam of her lips. 

And Shelby is greatly enjoying the way that Toni has let herself be so aggressive with this kiss, when she is usually firm yet gentle, allowing Shelby to take the lead at whatever pace is comfortable to her. It feels good to know, as accommodating as Toni is, that she does indeed want Shelby as carnally as Shelby wants her. 

“Toni,” Shelby gasps out when Toni goes back to ravishing her neck. “Toni, we can’t right now. If we aren’t back in a few minutes the girls will come looking.”

Toni gives a sharp nip to Shelby’s neck, petulant at Shelby’s words, but knowing they don’t have the time or privacy to do any more than sneak in a few more kisses. 

“ _ Toni _ ,” Shelby warns again. “Fuck, Toni, you’ve gotta stop before I forget why I’m telling you to.”

Toni smirks against Shelby’s neck at the way her actions are clearly getting to Shelby. She does, however, pull away and instead press her lips to Shelby’s over and over again in several short, sweet kisses. 

_ I think I’m falling in love with you _ , Shelby’s brain screams. “I feel so good right now,” she says instead.

“I’m so glad,” Toni kisses both Shelby’s cheeks, then leans up to kiss her forehead, and then presses one final kiss to her lips before taking a large step away, so they can both clear their minds a bit while they catch their breath. “I want you to feel good, all the time. I want you to enjoy every moment of every day.  _ I want to be the reason _ you enjoy every moment of every day.”

“You are. You make everything so much better for me.”

Toni smiles, that soft grin that Shelby is convinced is exclusively for her, and Shelby beams in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


	4. day thirty-one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like this one. hope y'all do too.

“I can’t fucking believe we’ve been stuck here for a whole fucking month!” Toni shouts. 

She’s the angriest that the group has seen her in over a week, and the rest of the girls are unsettled at how on-edge her temper has been in the short hours they’ve been awake today.

“This is such goddamn bullshit!” Toni screams, mostly towards the sky and ocean than the other seven girls hovering a few feet away from her.

“Toni, why don’t we take a little walk to see if we can’t getcha to calm down a bit?” Shelby offers.

“I don’t want to take a fucking walk, I wanna get the fuck out of this nightmare!” And it doesn’t even take a full second for Toni's face to crumple after she finishes yelling at Shelby. She stumbles backwards, falling flat on her ass. She’s too furious at herself to feel any pain from the harsh landing. “Shelbs. Shelby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry. Fuck!” Toni scrambles to her feet, stepping towards Shelby with outstretched hands that she yanks away quickly, tangling them behind her own back before she can do something stupid like touch Shelby, lest she break the other girl with her toxic destroy-everything hands. Tears cloud her vision as she sways back and forth on unstable feet, waiting for Shelby’s reaction. She doesn’t know what she’ll fucking do if this ruins things between her and Shelby.

“Toni,” Shelby says oh so softly, taking a step closer and placing her hands gently on Toni’s cheeks, guiding the shorter girl's chin up so their eyes meet, not even giving a second thought about their audience. “Let’s take a walk,” she repeats, trying to convey with her eyes that she’s not upset at Toni’s outburst. She’s just worried, and wants to talk to Toni, alone, where she will feel comfortable enough to be honest about what the fuck is actually going on with her.

“Okay,” Toni agrees weakly, letting Shelby lead her away from the other girls with a gentle hand resting in the curve of her elbow.

They walk silently along the edge of the water, the occasional wave lapping at their feet and ankles.

“I’m sorry,” Toni says again, trying to convey her distress over the situation. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Toni, I’m not upset with you,” Shelby assures her calmly. “I’m a little worried about you, but I’m not upset, okay? I just wanna know what’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours.”

“It’s just,” Toni takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself and her thoughts. “Nora was telling us the date and the number of days we’ve been here, like she does every day, and today… it’s my mom’s birthday today. And I  _ know _ even if we weren’t stuck here, I probably wouldn’t be spending today with my mom. But just the fact that I don’t even have the fucking option really got to me. Because I have this one distinct memory from when I was four or five, before things went to shit, where my mom and I spent her birthday together, just having fun, and we went to a fair and I was so happy. And I just felt everything close in around me. We’re fucking trapped on a deserted island, Shelby!”

“I know, sweetie,” Shelby says, swiping at her own eyes to stave off the tears she feels ready to spill.

“I didn’t mean to yell,” Toni says again. “Especially not at you. I just, I see red sometimes. It’s like those bulls, you know? They see a red ribbon and they fucking charge. My anger, it’s like a stampede and while I try to outrun it, I trample over everyone around me.”

“Toni, it’s okay,” Shelby tells her. “You’ve been doing so well, it’s okay that you had a little outburst, I don’t expect you to never get angry again just because you’re with me now. No harm done, okay?”

“Promise?” Toni practically whimpers. “Promise I didn’t fuck things up? Promise you won’t decide in a couple days that I’m not worth it anymore.”

“Oh, Toni,” Shelby halts their walk and turns to face Toni. She glances over Toni’s shoulder to see how far away from the others they’ve gotten, and thankfully they’ve gone far enough around the curve that the others aren’t even visible anymore. With that secure in her mind, she leans down and kisses Toni soundly. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Toni gazes up at her, so vulnerable and so trusting, and Shelby’s brain goes  _ iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou _ . 

Toni reaches her hands out, latching her arms around Shelby’s waist tightly, and Shelby wraps her own arms around Toni’s shoulders in return. “I’ve got you, sweetie. It’s okay.”

And if they stand there locked in an embrace for several minutes while Toni’s tears soak into the material of Shelby’s shirt, then that’s between them and the ocean sloshing at their feet. 

“I don’t have a home to go back to,” Toni says after her eyes have stopped leaking. “I mean, I have Marty and her family, but I don’t have a home of my own, y’know? But, when we get out of here, I wanna make a home for myself. With you, Shelby. I want  _ us _ to make a home that’s  _ ours _ . So neither of us ever have to feel alone, ever again.”

“I want that too,” Shelby says. “ _ So desperately. _ ”

“Really?”

“Yes, Toni. This thing, between you and I, I know it’s new and we’re on an island and not in the real world, but this feels like something permanent. To me, at least.”

“It’s something permanent to me too,” Toni says, words like a promise. “And permanent is such a foreign concept to me. Nothing is constant for me, except maybe Marty. But I want you to be constant, permanent, irreplaceable, all those other words that mean you’re stuck with me for good.”

“That sounds pretty perfect to me, Toni,” Shelby gives a watery smile.  _ iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou! _

Toni smiles, so bright and so beautiful and Shelby has to bite her tongue to keep those words from slipping past her lips.

“I think I’m almost ready for the rest of the girls to know,” Shelby decides. “I want us to tell Martha first, separately from the others. I don’t want her to feel blindsided and betrayed if we don’t tell her before everyone else.”

“One of the things I lo— One of my favorite things about you is how considerate you are.”

Shelby grins, allowing Toni to gloss over her slip-up, but she replays it in her head over and over.

“Marty might get a little defensive, I just want you to be prepared. She might think that you only tried to make friends with her early on to get to me, which isn’t true, right?” Toni asks.

“Of course not. Martha, she reminded me of how my best friend was. I thought, stupidly, selfishly, that maybe God put Martha in my life as a chance to make up for the way I treated Becca. My best friend in the whole world. Oh, Toni, I was so awful to her. I just wanted to prove that I don’t ruin everything good in this world.”

“Do you wanna talk about her? Becca?” Toni offers.

Shelby takes a deep breath. “Can we sit?”

So they plop down in the sand, and Shelby bares her soul to Toni, praying that this doesn’t change the way the brunette feels about her. She would understand, though, if after finding out how awful Shelby truly is, Toni wanted nothing to do with her anymore.

And Toni sits, and she listens, and she holds Shelby’s hand tightly through the tale of Shelby’s deepest trauma and regrets. Things sort of shift into perspective for her as Shelby works through her story. They are more alike than Toni had originally thought. But if anything, that only reassured Toni that they are even more perfect for each other. Two people prone to destroying those they love, doing everything in their power to form a healthy relationship that flourishes instead of floundering.

“You’re incredible, Shelby,” Toni says. “You’ve gone through so fucking much, and you’re still going on with life. Your parents and your church is what failed you and Becca, Shelbs. You aren’t to blame for your panic reaction. Shelby, it makes me so angry, the way your dad treated you. I want to tear him to pieces with my bare hands. I wish I could take all your pain away.”

“You do,” Shelby tells her. “You make all the shit manageable for me. Just looking at you, Toni, it fills me with such  _ hope _ . And that’s something I haven’t had in so long.”

“Can I kiss you?” Toni asks, unsure if Shelby’s in an okay place for such affection.

“Please do.”

And their lips have just barely touched when a loud squeal rips through the peaceful air around them. “OOPS!”

Toni practically growls against Shelby’s mouth, whipping her head around to glare at Fatin, who stands a few yards away. 

“Toni,” Shelby giggles, placing a soothing hand against the side of Toni’s neck, feeling the anger and tension melt away instantly under her fingertips.

“Hey, at least I convinced the others to let me come after you guys on my own!” Fatin booms out a laugh. 

“Thank you, Fatin,” Shelby says. “Everything is okay here, though.”

“You both look like shit,” Fatin informs them smugly.

“ _ Fatin _ ,” Toni hisses. 

“Relax, grumpy,” Fatin placates. “I’d love to leave you guys to it, but Dot told me if I don’t bring you both back in one piece she’ll come searching for you herself.”

“We aren’t even publicly feuding anymore, why is everybody so far up our asses?” Toni complains, pushing herself to her feet and pulling Shelby up, too.

“Um, maybe, perhaps everyone is worried that in your burst of anger, you murdered Shelby or something. They don’t know you guys are banging, yet, remember?”

“How’s Leah doing, Fatin?” Shelby asks with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, quickly turning the tables in this conversation.

“Okay, damn, bitch,” Fatin laughs. “She hasn’t mentioned Jeff or any slightly concerning theories in the past couple of days, so I’d say she’s doing great.”

“I bet she’d be doing even better if you kissed her,” Toni wiggles her eyebrows.

“Ugh, you two are so obnoxiously cute it  _ almost _ makes me wanna take a chance and go for it with Leah.”

“I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the outcome,” Shelby tells her.

“Why?” Fatin asks, suddenly very curious. “Has Leah said something to you about me?”

“No, but the way she looks at you, Fatin, she doesn’t have to have said anything. It’s clear to see that she cares about you a lot. And not in the sisterly way Nora and Rachel care about each other,” Shelby explains.

“Oh, so like in the gay way you and Toni care about each other?” Fatin teases.

“Yes,” Shelby says simply. “Exactly like that.”

Toni beams at how far Shelby has come in terms of hearing the word  _ gay _ . Not even a flinch as long as Shelby isn’t the one saying it.

“Much to think about,” Fatin hums. 

* * *

“Hey Marty, wanna take a walk with me?” 

Martha looks up from the pile of Uno cards scattered around her and Fatin. They’d just finished a quite intense game. “Sure!”

They walk in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Martha decides Toni is taking too long to say whatever it is she clearly needs to say.

“How are you doing, after this morning? You were really upset. I’m glad whatever you and Shelby did on your walk helped calm you down.”

“I’m doing much better now,” Toni says, and for once, it isn’t even a lie. Usually she feels like shit for so long after an outburst, but right now, all she feels is a flutter in her stomach at the thought of the conversation about to occur. She hopes Marty takes the news of her and Shelby’s relationship well.

“I’m proud of you for being able to get yourself back under control,” Martha tells her with a warm smile.

“Shelby has helped me a lot with that.”

“You helped her stop being a homophobic jerk, and she helped you stop causing so much trouble. Seems like the start of a beautiful friendship to me!” Martha says brightly.

Toni almost laughs at the absurdity of Martha’s words.  _ Friendship _ , sure. 

“Actually, Marty, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Toni treads carefully, both physically through the forest, and in the start of this conversation.

They reach the edge of the woods where they now stand up on the bluff that has seen so much action on the island already.

“Oh, Shelby! Sorry if you came up here to be alone, me and Toni can go chat somewhere else.”

“No, it’s okay, Martha,” Shelby smiles. “I actually wanted to talk to you as well, if that’s okay?”

“Of course!” Martha agrees happily. 

So she and Toni join Shelby, all of them sitting a few feet away from the edge of the bluff.

“What’s up, guys? You look nervous!”

“Well, I am kinda nervous, I will admit,” Shelby says honestly.

“Marty, me and Shelby wanted to talk to you today because there’s something we think you should know,” Toni’s voice is as tense as her body, which is  _ rigid _ .

Martha just continues smiling brightly at the uncomfortable duo in front of her.

“Toni and I,” Shelby begins, clearing her suddenly dry throat. “You know we got past our issues with each other, and once again I am so sorry for my awful comments. But, you see, while we were, um, working through those issues, we realized that there was actually something, uh,  _ more _ between us. Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

Martha blinks, still smiling but with confusion plastered all over her face. “Can’t say I do.”

Toni takes a deep, fortifying breath, deciding to finally just rip the metaphorical bandaid off. “I like Shelby. And Shelby likes me. We’re… dating.”

Martha stares blankly at them for a few excruciating seconds, before bursting into laughter. “Guys… I know. Toni, you’re my best friend, I can  _ always _ tell when you have feelings for someone.”

“You’ve just been playing dumb this whole time?” Shelby asks incredulously. 

Martha nods, grinning. “I knew you guys would tell me when you were comfortable and ready. I’m really happy for you both. I was a little iffy at first, because I didn’t really get  _ how _ you could’ve possibly gotten past literal homophobia, but when you announced to the whole camp, Shelby, that you’d overcome those views, you earned my stamp of approval.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Shelby. It’s been obvious from the start that you care about Toni, even when I know you really tried not to. You saved her life.”

Shelby smiles, eyes glassy with tears, happy tears for once. “I want you to know, Martha. That I didn’t become friends with you just to get closer to Toni. Obviously, even if that was my plan, it wouldn’t have worked, because it actually just made Toni hate me, but it’s important to me that you know it was your beautiful personality that made me wanna be your friend so much, okay?”

“I wasn’t worried,” Martha smiles. “I know, even when you weren’t being one hundred percent you, that you were honest in our friendship.”

“Marty, you’re literally the best friend I could ever fucking ask for,” Toni says, heart so full with love for these two girls that she could burst at any moment.

“I know,” Martha gives a cheeky grin. “I love you guys, okay? And I’m gonna be there to back you up if the others give you any shit, if and when you tell them.”

“We’re gonna tell ‘em soon,” Shelby confirms. “Can I hug y’all?”

Martha nods, opening her arms, allowing both Toni and Shelby to clutch onto her. She squeezes them back just as tightly.

Toni turns her head in the embrace, pressing a kiss to Shelby’s temple. She wants to scream from this fucking cliff about how happy she is right now. Happier than she’d ever been, probably, and all while on a deserted island, which feels impossible but is completely fucking true.


	5. day thirty-three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not so sure that i really like this chapter, but re-writing it a million times doesn't seem quite worth it. enjoy.

It feels like a lucky day to Toni. Day 33 on the island. What could be more lucky than two 3s? Absolutely nothing, in Toni’s humble opinion. Three has always been her lucky number, the more the better. So, maybe three 3s might be better than two 3s, actually. 

Regardless, Toni wakes up feeling like it will be a good day. Or, as good a day as it gets when you’re stranded on a deserted island.

She hops over a snoozing Martha and Rachel as the odd duo cuddles in their sleep. Other than them, everyone else has already cleared out of the shelter for the day, which isn’t unusual. Well, Fatin is often still sound asleep when Toni wakes, but it’s nothing concerning to see her up and about already.

Predictably on a morning where Fatin gets up early, she’s curled up into Leah’s side by the fire, still half-asleep. Toni hopes one of them admits the obvious feelings they share soon, before the whole island is swallowed up by their sexual tension.

“I’m gettin’ so sick of those two canoodling,” Dot says from Toni’s left, sitting by their collection of water bottles, refilled soda cans, and their ever-growing storage of dried meat and fruit.

Toni raises an amused eyebrow.

“Not in a homophobic way,” Dot explains quickly. “Just in an annoyed friend way. Like, it’s so obvious they’re into each other and I can’t figure out why they haven’t just admitted it to each other, y’know?”

“That’s what I keep telling Fatin,” Toni shrugs. “She told Shelby that she doesn’t wanna do any more damage to Leah than that pedo author dude, ‘cause Fatin doesn’t ‘do relationships’ or whatever.”

“Leah told me the other day that she had the hugest crush on Fatin back at their school before she met Jeffrey. And that she thinks that crush has come back, but that she’s worried she’s too fucked up to treat Fatin the way she deserves.”

“They’re such fucking idiots,” Toni laughs, and Dot joins in.

“Did I miss a joke?” Toni practically preens at the sound of Shelby’s delicious southern drawl.

“We’re just laughing at how oblivious Fatin and Leah are,” Toni says, turning to grin at her girlfriend, who has clearly just come from either the ocean or the waterfall, if her mostly dirt-free skin and still dripping hair is anything to go by. “You got naked without me?” And it’s out of her mouth before she can remember that Dot is still sitting _right there_ next to them.

Shelby simply laughs, not showing even an ounce of the panic Toni feels inside. “Gotta wake up earlier next time if you wanna join,” she shrugs, before strutting away to join Nora, who is drawing in her notebook across the fire from Leah and Fatin.

“Oh my fucking god, did you and Shelby just _flirt_?” Dot asks, eyes wide.

Toni shrugs. “I dunno dude I’m still half fucking asleep.”

Dot lets out a cackle, but doesn’t press the issue. 

Toni looks over at their little schedule set up, seeing the rock with her name on it placed next to Shelby’s, denoting that they’ll both be on firewood duty today. She wonders if Fatin got up early to make the schedule, getting a kick out of the way some of the others are still nervous about Shelby and Toni’s “tentative friendship” and worry about them doing the same chore, or if Shelby was the one who put them together for the day.

“Wanna switch?” Dot questions, noticing where Toni’s gaze is focused. 

“Nah,” Toni smiles, appreciating Dot’s offer, but definitely not needing it. “Me and Shelby are cool now.”

Dot shrugs. “A’right.”

Contemplating for only a moment whether she wants to interrupt Shelby and Nora’s quiet yet intense conversation, or disturb Leah and Fatin’s little bubble, Toni practically trots over to plop herself right up in Fatin’s personal space. “Morning guys.”

“Fuck off,” Fatin elbows her. “Go cuddle with Shelby instead, I’m busy.”

“Shelby’s being intellectual with Nora right now and Marty is still asleep, so I’ve decided you’re the perfect person to bother with my presence.”

“Shalifoe, I will _end_ you,” Fatin growls.

“What, am I interrupting something here? Looked like y’all were just hanging out, being homies. Just two gals bein’ pals, as they say,” Toni smirks, leaning obnoxiously close to Fatin.

“Don’t you have chores to do?” Fatin grumbles.

“Don’t _you_?” Toni shoots back.

“You’re mean when you’re happy, you know that?” Fatin asks.

“Only for you, Jadmani,” Toni presses a sloppy kiss to Fatin’s cheek. 

“Ew, you little shit!” Fatin swipes at her face with her sleeve. “Go slobber on somebody else. Somebody who will actually enjoy it, maybe.”

Toni laughs. “Okay, okay,” she concedes finally, noticing that Leah looks more than a little uncomfortable. She figures she’s stirred up enough chaos between them for the day. “Have fun on water duty today ladies,” she says, popping up to her feet.

“I hope a bug flies into your mouth today!” Fatin lazily kicks a leg out to try and trip Toni, but Toni easily hops over it, still laughing.

“Shelbs, wanna get started on gathering wood?” Toni asks, making her way over to the quiet duo.

Shelby looks up from her conversation and grins widely. “Sure!” To Nora, she says, “Thanks for chattin’ with me again today about theater. Maybe we can catch a show together when we get outta here.”

Nora smiles. “I would like that.”

Shelby reaches her hands out for Toni to pull her up to her feet, and Toni easily complies with the request.

“You gonna eat something’ before or after we go traipsin’ through the woods?” 

“After, I guess,” Toni shrugs. Ever since they started having a reliable food source again, she’d been less concerned about scarfing down whatever she could, whenever she had the chance. “If we make good progress we’ll have most of the day to ourselves.”

“Ooh, you got some big plans for us, hmm?” Shelby raises an eyebrow teasingly, nudging their shoulders together as they head off towards the forest.

“We could make the trek to get some lychees afterwards?” Toni offers.

Shelby smirks. “I’d never say no to _lychees_.”

And Toni thinks maybe she should have waited until they finished collecting wood before mentioning getting lychees, because now all she can think about is how in just a few hours, she’ll be naked under the lychee tree with Shelby. Which is a very distracting thought to have bouncing around when you’re trying to be productive.

* * *

“I swear the walk here gets longer every time we make the trek.”

Toni smirks. “Just feels that way ‘cause you get impatient knowing what happens when we make it here.”

“Hey, I could totally just be assuming we’re here to get lychees and then head right back to camp,” Shelby defends.

Toni raises an eyebrow. “Somehow I highly doubt that, but if it’s what you want…”

“Hey now,” Shelby reaches out placatingly. “Let’s not be too hasty.”

Toni laughs, spreading out the thin blanket she brought with them so they don’t have to be right on the ground. She’s not sure whose blanket it originally was, but she’s super glad it washed up.

“You’re real pretty, y’know,” Shelby drawls, eyes following Toni’s every move.

Toni glances over, giving a shy grin. “Not as pretty as you.”

“We might have to agree to disagree on that one, babe.”

“I dunno, _babe_. I’m pretty stubborn in my opinions. You might have to work on convincing me.”

“Oh yeah?” Shelby asks, stepping closer. “I don’t doubt I can manage that.”

Toni smirks. She doesn’t doubt it, either.

Shelby kisses her then, slowly, as if they’ve got all the time in the world for this. They might as well, honestly. Worst case scenario they lose track of time and end up having to stay the night here again, which doesn’t sound bad at all to Toni. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” Shelby says, ending their kiss but keeping their foreheads pressed together.

“ _Now_?” Toni whines.

“Practice some patience, Toni. C’mon, sit with me.”

And Toni complies easily, because again, they literally have nowhere else to be, and she’s always eager to hear about any and everything Shelby has to say. “What’s up, Shelb?” 

* * *

“Is it just me, or do things feel too quiet right now?”

Fatin looks up from where she’s carefully pouring boiling water from a bottle into a diet-Coke can. “It is quiet, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing, necessarily.”

Leah shrugs. “We’re just never this alone, I guess. Like, everybody else is out of camp. That never happens.”

Looking around, Fatin notices Leah is right. Usually there’s at least one or two girls lingering around, but everyone is still doing their chores, or using their rest day to take some alone time.

“I wanted to ask you something about this morning,” Leah says slowly, in her usual calculating tone.

“This morning?” Fatin asks, tilting her head in confusion. 

“Do you have like, a _thing_ for Toni?”

Fatin bursts out laughing at the absurdity, but that just makes Leah bristle, almost visibly closing herself off. “Wait, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just, Leah, _come on_. Me and Toni? You’re like, way too smart to actually think there could ever be more than a sisterly bond between me and her.”

“You guys sure were flirting a lot this morning, though,” Leah frowns.

“I flirt with everyone. You know that.”

Leah shrugs, staying quiet.

“Okay, we’re gonna do this today then,” Fatin mumbles, mostly to herself. She sits up straighter, abandoning the water bottles and refilled cans so that she can focus all her attention on Leah. “I’m like, so bad at relationships, Leah. I thought I had this great example to aspire to be like, in my parents, and then I found out my dad is a cheating piece of shit and my mom is so far under his manipulative thumb. I’ve loved like, one person. And that was when I was fourteen or fifteen, so that wasn’t even _real_ love. I’m good at sex without feelings. I’m not good at anything with feelings. I destroy the people who care about me.”

“Why are you telling me all this?” Leah asks.

Fatin rolls her eyes. “Leah, I _like_ you. And that’s fucking terrifying. Because that doesn’t happen to me. And I care about you so much, it’d kill me to hurt you. But I know I would. It’s all I’m good at. Ruining perfect things.”

“I am so far from perfect, Fatin,” Leah tells her. “You know that. You know how fucked up I am. But being around you, it makes me feel normal again. Like even after all the shit with Jeff, I might still be worthy of having someone care about me.”

“You are so worthy of love, Leah,” Fatin assures firmly. “No one deserves to be loved more than you. I just don’t think I’m the right person to do that.”

“That’s such bullshit!” Leah scoffs. “You’re just making excuses because you hate nothing more than being vulnerable.”

“Okay, and?” Fatin snaps. “That’s just how I protect myself.”

“You don’t have to protect yourself from me!”

Fatin sighs. “I have to protect _you_ from _me_ , Leah. I can be a good friend, I’m confident in that. Anything more is a risk I’m not willing to take. Not if it could potentially cost me you.”

“Look around, Fatin. We are on a deserted fucking island! There are no repercussions here. You’re just being a coward.”

Fatin lunges forward then, kissing Leah roughly, and the impact makes Leah fall back against the sand, Fatin pressed on top of her.

Leah kisses back just as furiously, savoring every moment. She doesn’t expect Fatin to give in and change her mind. But she knew getting Fatin agitated would make her do _something_. Something like tackling her into the sand and kissing her like she’s a breath of fresh air after being underwater almost long enough to drown.

Fatin scrambles off Leah quickly, once her brain catches up to her actions. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

“You literally cannot be serious, Fatin! Does it look like I’m complaining about it?” 

“No, but I should’ve asked first if I could kiss you, instead of just doing it. That’s not the way I want to treat someone like you.”

“What, someone damaged?” Leah snaps. 

“Someone I care about,” Fatin corrects gently. “I don’t want it to be this way, Leah. I don’t want us to go back to being petty and arguing all the time. I like how things were. I like being your friend.”

“You’re so difficult,” Leah says. “Why can’t you just decide that I’m worth what _might_ happen if things go wrong for some reason?”

“I’ve never had a best friend before,” Fatin admits. “But now I do. You’re my best friend, Leah. The other girls are great. But they’re not you. And I just don’t know what I would do with myself if I fucked that up.”

“We can be best friends and girlfriends at the same time!”

And before Fatin can come up with a response, there’s a rustling at the edge of the forest, and Dot and Rachel burst through onto the beach, laughing at something and unknowingly interrupting what might just be the most important conversation of Fatin’s young life.

* * *

“Hey y’all! We’re back with some more lychees!” Shelby announces as she and Toni approach the rest of the girls, sitting around the fire like usual as the sun begins to set and the temperature starts to drop.

“You two are so wrong for refusing to show the rest of us where the tree is,” Rachel says playfully.

“Some things just gotta stay a secret,” Shelby shrugs, passing a few lychees out to each of the girls before sitting down in the space they’ve left open. Toni collapses down next to her.

“Leah, aren’t you gonna accuse them of having some secret knowledge of the island that they shouldn’t?” Rachel asks, still mostly teasing.

Leah just frowns and glares at the other girl.

Shelby glances around the fire, where the girls all seem a bit more tense than usual. She wonders for a moment if tonight isn’t a good night for what she wants to do. But if she doesn’t do it tonight she might never. “Can I tell y’all something you might get mad about?”

And _wow_ , she probably should’ve phrased that in a much less incriminating way, because now most of the girls look at her with distrust and suspicion.

“I’d love something to make me hate you again,” Rachel says with a smirk.

“Watch it, Reid,” Toni snarls.

Shelby gives her a look, half-placating, half-warning.

“We’re listening, go ahead Shelby,” Martha gives an encouraging smile.

“Okay, well, I guess I should start with a preface to this all. A little history. Y’all know that I grew up very active in the Christian community. My father is a pastor, in case I haven’t said before. And our church was very firm in their stance against homosexuals-”

“I swear to whatever god you believe in, that if you are about to tell us _again_ that you’re homophobic I will throw you into the fire,” Rachel warns.

Shelby gives a rueful smile. “No, Rachel. Nothing like that. But that is how I was raised. My daddy preached every week that _that_ way of life is a sin. So I believed him, because he was my _dad_ , y’know? I wanted his approval so so badly. And that has guided me into making a lot of mistakes in my life. I should’ve been following God’s words of loving _everyone_ , rather than my father’s blatant _hate_ toward certain communities. But I did it to protect myself. Because I didn’t want him to hate me, too. I didn’t want to be alone, like he said happens to those who… those who are _gay_.”

The group is silent, absorbing Shelby’s words.

After a moment, Shelby continues. “I was scared of what he would do if he found out that _I_ am one of those sinners. So I lashed out at anyone who I perceived as a threat to my safety. So no, I’ve never actually been homophobic. But my father and his church are. He is very supportive of conversion therapy. Used to conduct sessions pre and post time ‘away at camp’ for those ‘poor misguided souls’ and he all but told me that when I got back from our trip to Hawaii, that’s what would happen to me, too. Being stranded here, for me, has been a blessing from God himself.”

“Your dad facilitates conversion therapy?”

Shelby nods, embarrassed and ashamed. “Yes.”

“That’s so fucked up!” Rachel shouts.

“I’m sorry,” Shelby murmurs.

Rachel looks at her then, but there’s no venom in her eyes. “No, Shelby, none of the shit you’ve been through was your fault. If we ever get off this fucking island I’m flying to Texas and burning your shithead father’s church to the ground!”

Toni smiles, because she knew Rachel would drop all hostility against Shelby once she found out the truth. Rachel is all about right and wrong, and Toni agrees wholeheartedly that once this is all over, they should torch Pastor Goodkind’s church, preferably with him still inside.

“Why would you telling us this make us mad at you again?” Nora wonders.

“Oh, that’s not even the bit I was worried about,” Shelby says. She takes a deep breath, reaching out to grasp Toni’s hand for strength, “the part I thought might cause trouble is the fact that me an’ Toni are dating.”

“You little shit!” Rachel yells at Toni, who smirks back at her. “You let me go on and on about how awful she was when she’s your girl? Man, no wonder you've wanted to tear my head off all the time.”

“I got where you were coming from. I knew you’d chill when you found out why Shelb was so harsh during the mussel incident,” Toni shrugs. “Didn’t expect the passion about getting back at her dad, though. But I totally agree, we gotta torch that motherfucker.”

“Toni!”

Toni turns and gives Shelby an innocent grin. “Not sorry, babe. I want him to suffer the way he made you suffer. And _then_ , I want to set him and his church on fire!”

“Yeah, _babe_ ,” Fatin teases. “We gotta get back at all the asshole dads out there, _babe_. God, it feels good to finally be able to make fun of you two and your couple-y grossness!”

“You knew?” Leah asks quietly from next to Fatin while the other girls laugh. “Fuck, and I _just_ accused you of having a thing for Toni. I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not!” Fatin promises. “You were cute, being all jealous of somebody who’s already whipped as fuck for another girl.”

“You can’t do that, Fatin,” Leah sighs. “You can’t tell me we can’t be together and then flirt with me.”

Fatin cringes. “I’m sorry,” and there’s so much more she wishes she could say right now, but it just isn’t their moment. Right now, the focus is on Shelby and Toni, and Fatin wouldn't dare ruin such a wonderful moment for those two.

“Well, I guess that comment from this morning makes sense now,” Dot laughs, coming to a realization.

“Ooh, spill!” Fatin squeals.

“Dottie, _no_!” Shelby begs, but she’s laughing too.

“I’ll take that interaction to the grave, Shelby. Think of it as a congrats for coming out present. Is that a thing?”

“It is now!” Toni decides. She leans in to Shelby’s side, pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek.

The other girls coo at them, happy that they are happy, and so thrilled to know they’ll have endless fodder to tease these two for the rest of eternity.

Fatin decides then and there, that she wants that. She wants to be happy and in love. She wants all that with Leah. And Fatin is nothing if not determined to get what she wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do y'all think?


	6. day thirty-eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this might be the final chapter of this story, but i highly doubt it'll be my only work for this ship, so keep an eye out for anything else i might come up with for them ;) enjoy!

Leah has been deliberating for three days over who she is going to go to talk about her suspiciously Fatin-sized problem. 

There’s Dot, who would give a no-bullshit, non-biased response, which could be helpful, but Leah isn’t sure she wants someone to be so frank with her right now.

She knows Fatin is close to Shelby, but Leah isn’t sure the blonde is comfortable yet with discussing another person’s gay problems. She wouldn’t want to stir up trouble in Shelby’s head.

Leah is kind of irritated, because she usually goes to Fatin for any advice she needs. But she can’t exactly do that, because Fatin is what she needs advice about. 

Which leaves only Toni, who is unpredictable on a good day. Leah isn’t even sure Toni will give her the time of day, being the type to be fiercely protective of friends. She doesn’t know what Fatin has or hasn’t said to anyone.

Regardless, five days after Fatin kissed and rejected Leah in one sitting, Leah puts herself on firewood duty with Toni, hoping to have the courage to bring up what’s been burning in her mind for five days. 

Leah sits by the fire for what she thinks is over an hour before Toni even wakes up. Which is actually fairly early for the short brunette. Ever since she started sleeping next to Shelby in the shelter, Toni has been getting up with the blonde, who is usually one of the first to wake up. 

Which means that Leah sits by the fire for another hour as Shelby and Toni sit across the fire cuddling. Though she’d rather sit through that sap-fest than deal with a grumpy Toni all day if she attempted to drag her away from Shelby before she was “properly awake” and ready to interact with the others. 

Needless to say, Leah is a little bitter. Because, six mornings ago, she and Fatin were the ones cuddling by the fire trying to wake up fully. 

Leah doesn’t necessarily want to head out before Fatin has even woke up, but it’s Fatin’s rest day and she’s clearly taking advantage of the extra hours of sleep she’s allowed to get.

“You’re on laundry today?” Leah overhears Toni asking Shelby as she’s packing her drawstring bag for the day.

“Yep. I was thinkin’ of helpin’ Martha and Rachel with water duty if I finish up early, but do you wanna take a trip to the lychee tree later? If it starts to get dark we can just spend the night there an’ head back to camp in the morning?”

“Sounds good, babe. Be safe today.”

“Always am. And if you start gettin’ worked up about anything, take a few deep breaths and remember that I’ll be there to help you process it all later,” Shelby says. 

Leah can’t hear them say anything else, but she assumes they end their chat with a quick kiss goodbye, like they usually do when they aren’t spending the day together. Leah might find it sweet, if she wasn't so grumpy about her own girl problems.

Then, she and Toni are off into the woods.

Leah lets them work in companionable silence for a few minutes, trying to clock Toni’s mood at the moment. 

“Dude, do you have something you wanna say, or do I just desperately need a wash? You’re staring at me like you’re trying not to sneeze or something.”

“Sorry,” Leah frowns. “I was just debating whether or not to ask you about Fatin,” she knows she will at least earn Toni’s respect for her honesty.

“What about her?” Toni questions. 

“Has she told you anything about…” Leah isn’t sure exactly what to say.

“Fatin talks about a lot, Leah, you’ve gotta be more specific,” Toni prompts, but the knowing look in her eyes makes Leah think she mostly is just trying to coax out Leah’s side of a story she’s already heard.

“She told me that she likes me, all but promised she’d never act on it, and then she kissed me. Now she’s pretty much pretending none of that ever happened.”

“I’m not really hearing a question, Leah,” Toni says carefully. 

Leah sighs. She doesn’t want to put Toni in a position where she has to ally herself to one of them or the other. She doesn’t want it to get to that point. “Do you know what I can do to fix it?” 

“Depends on what you’re trying to fix,” Toni shrugs, but her tone is even, serious. “Fatin is scared. She doesn’t want to lose you, and I don’t think she’s reconciled a way she can have you in every way she wants you yet.”

“Does she not think I’m just as scared as her?” Leah asks, but she continues before giving Toni a chance to respond. “I had a crush on her, back home. For a long time, I was just so intrigued by her. I wanted to know her, desperately. And then I met Jeff, and things went downhill from there. And hearing her say so many awful, true things about him when we first got here, it hurt me. Because I didn’t want to think about all of it like that. But when she was missing, I’ve never been so terrified in my whole life. I thought after all the progress she and I made since then, that we were on the same page.”

“I’m gonna give you some advice I don’t think you’re gonna like very much,” Toni says slowly, eying Leah for a reaction. “You have to let Fatin take her time working through her reservations. You’ve gotta wait until she comes to you.”

Leah doesn’t like that advice, but she does understand it. She just misses the carefree moments with Fatin. Everything feels so tense and weighted, even when Fatin pretends things are fine. “But she’s okay, though, right? Normally she’d come to me if there was anything up, but things have been strained and I don’t know if she would. I don’t want her to have to go through anything alone.”

Toni gives a rare, sincere smile. “Other than the things she’s working through about you, she’s perfectly fine. Well, I’m sure she could complain for hours about island life, but, she’s okay.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

“Babe, you’ll never guess what I did today!” 

“Laundry and helping collect and boil water?” 

“Well, laundry, yes. But then I helped Fatin plan a little date for her and Leah! They’re gonna take a little walk around the bend, and then make a little fire and have some goat and some of those berries Dot found yesterday. And hopefully,  _ talk _ ,” Shelby explains.

“Leah was asking me for advice about Fatin today, funny enough,” Toni laughs. “I told her to wait for Fatin to come to her. Guess it’ll be sooner than she probably thought.”

“Aw, you were giving advice? That’s so cute!” Shelby coos.

“Well I wasn’t just gonna tell her to fuck off or something!” Toni rolls her eyes.

“A few weeks ago, you might’ve,” Shelby reminds her. 

“Guess you’re a good influence on me,” Toni shrugs with a grin.

“You’ve done a lot of growin’ on your own, babe. Give yourself the credit you deserve.”

“Nah,” Toni says. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be raging at every slight inconvenience.”

“Toni…” Shelby halts her walk and turns to face Toni. “It’s okay to say I helped you get to where you are, but  _ you _ are the reason for it, alright? You put in the work. I won’t let you put yourself down about your own progress. Not when I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come.”

Toni gives a shy smile. “People usually aren’t,” she says. “Proud of me, I mean.”

“Is that why you can’t take a compliment?” Shelby asks, not accusatory, just curious.

Toni shrugs. “I guess. I’m not really used to people meaning it when they say something nice.”

Shelby frowns. “Well, I can say for sure that when I compliment you, I mean it wholeheartedly.”

“I believe that.”

“Good,” Shelby smiles. “Tell me about your day so far?”

* * *

“Fatin, where are we going?”

Fatin rolls her eyes. “Just trust me.”

“I do,” Leah says. “I just want to know where we are going.”

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise!”

“I don’t like surprises,” Leah grumbles. 

“If you wait like  _ two _ minutes, you’re gonna find out. So relax. And tell me about how your afternoon with Toni was. You could’ve woken me up to say bye before you left, you know?”

“You looked peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb your rest,” Leah shrugs. She also wasn’t quite ready to talk to Fatin just yet. She’s still surprised the other girl even asked her to go on a walk. “Toni and I were efficient in gathering firewood together.”

“Did you guys just awkwardly collect sticks and not say a single word?” Fatin laughs.

“No!” Leah gives a small chuckle. “We talked a little. It was a little weird, we’ve been trapped here for over a month and I don’t think I’ve had any one-on-one time with her. Just between you and me, I think she and Shelby are good for each other. They balance each other out.”

“You and I balance each other out, I think.”

Leah’s eyes widen at the implication, but when she turns to glance over at Fatin, the other girl is staring straight ahead. 

“Here we are!” Fatin announces.

Leah looks down at the small pile of sticks and branches and the Dawn of Eve towel spread out on the sand, being held in place by one of the drawstring bags. Fatin crouches down between the wood and towel and shuffles through the bag, producing the lighter and then going to work at lighting them a fire.

“Come sit,” Fatin slumps back when she successfully lights the fire, quickly returning the lighter to the bag and pulling out their dinner.

Leah complies, leaving a good chunk of space between them. “What’s all this for?”

“I wanted us to have the chance to talk without being interrupted by the others.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” Fatin says. “Here, eat,” she shoves food towards Leah, suddenly nervous. Somehow, the idea of spilling her innermost thoughts and feelings is a lot easier said than done. 

So they eat smoked goat meat and wild berries and share water from one of the metal bottles in a comfortable quiet, but tension quickly begins to build the longer they go without speaking.

Leah watches the fire crackle. She doesn’t know what to say right now, afraid of scaring Fatin off again. But she can’t stand not knowing what the point of Fatin taking her out here is. “Fatin?”

Fatin hums. She has her eyes closed, trying to build up the confidence that she pretends comes easily to her. 

“What are we doing here?” Leah asks again, carefully.

“I wanted to talk to you about the other day. Don’t say ‘which one?’ because we both know what I’m talking about,” Fatin opens her eyes, shifting to face Leah. 

“I’m listening,” Leah tells her. She wants to gauge Fatin’s current stance on the situation before she reveals anything she’s thinking.

“Everything is different out here. I don’t want to start something that is just going to crumble apart when we get off this damn island. I don’t want anything between us to happen just because we’re stuck here and the only connection we have to home is each other. I don’t want to be a rebound or a method to get over Jeff. I don’t want to compromise our friendship for something that isn’t real. And I don’t know how to know what’s real or not here.”

Leah takes a deep breath, absorbing everything Fatin has just said. “I’m not sure about a lot of things, especially things involving the island, but what  _ I am _ sure of, is that my feelings for you are real. I don’t need help getting over Jeff and I don’t need a rebound. I’m not trying to fill vacant space in myself with you. I think I’ve realized that I don’t need another person to complete myself. But I like having you in my life. I like that you’re the closest person to me here. But I can’t help wanting to be even closer.”

“What if I hurt you?” Fatin asks, tears brimming in her eyes. 

Leah thinks she looks beautiful like this. So open and vulnerable, so trusting of Leah to not use it against her. “Then we work on repairing the damage, together.”

“That sounds easier said than done.”

“It is,” Leah admits. “But, look how far we’ve come already. Look at all the shit we’ve already managed to get past. We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to make each other happier than we would be apart.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Fatin says.

“You won’t,” Leah promises. 

“The scariest part is that I believe you.”

“And it’s that trust we have that makes it true,” Leah tells her. “I’m gonna try something now, and I can’t promise it’s gonna go okay.”

Fatin smiles, leaning in to meet Leah’s lips halfway. She’s still scared shitless of this all exploding in her face, but she’s not going to let this chance slip away from her. Not when the future is already so uncertain. She wants something good in this shithole island that they may or may not all die on. And Leah, with her gorgeous eyes and reassuring words is the best thing Fatin has had all to herself in so long. This is a risk she can afford to take. 

“We can take it one day at a time, okay?” Leah looks at Fatin like she’s the most precious thing in the whole world.

“Together,” Fatin agrees, kissing Leah again. Because that’s something she can do now. And it should feel more weird to kiss the girl who has been her best friend here, but nothing has ever actually felt more right.

* * *

“Are you asleep?” Toni whispers into the darkness.

“Not yet,” Shelby murmurs. 

They’re curled up together under the lychee tree, wrapped in the thin blanket they’ve just spent hours being intimate on. Toni, though the smaller of the two, is the big spoon tonight, holding Shelby close.

Toni hesitates, almost wishing Shelby had in fact already fallen asleep.

“Toni?” Shelby begins to shift in Toni’s embrace, but Toni tightens her grip, keeping Shelby’s back pressed against her front.

She won’t be able to say what she needs to say if Shelby is looking at her, no matter how dark it is. Slivers of moonlight creep through the leaves in the trees above them, and it would be enough for Shelby to see every single emotion in Toni’s eyes.

Toni rests her forehead against the back of Shelby’s neck. Eyes closed tightly, grasp on Shelby equally as firm, she speaks, quiet but clear. “I love you.”

She expects Shelby to tense up, maybe pull away completely. But Shelby just sinks deeper into her arms. 

“You don’t have to say it back yet. I just  _ needed _ to tell you. There’s no pressure, okay? Whenever you’re ready is fine. We have all the time in the world-”

This time, Shelby does shift out of her embrace, but only just enough that she can turn so they are face to face in the almost complete darkness. “ _ Shut up _ ,” she says, kissing Toni firmly to halt any more rambling. “I love you too, you beautiful idiot.”

And they’re both grinning in the dark, kissing sloppily as they bask in this moment of perfect, pure joy. The future is uncertain, but Toni and Shelby are both confident that they’ll be facing whatever is to come, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any final thoughts?


	7. day seven hundred and thirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few people asked in the comments of previous chapters for an epilogue of the girls post-island, so i wrote it. hope you guys enjoy :)

Toni wakes up, as she always does these days: wrapped up in a familiar pair of arms, warm and safe in a cozy bed.

She knows even without opening her eyes that it is sometime around 6am. Shelby’s body naturally wakes her up at this time every single day, and it’s routine for her to gently wake Toni up as well, even though Toni could easily sleep for several more hours.

But Toni decided a long time ago that starting her day with Shelby at basically the crack of dawn is much better than waking up alone when the sun is already high in the sky.

She’d like to say it’s for some cheesy reason like always having a great day when she gets to start her morning off in Shelby’s arms, but the truth of it is that the six months they spent on the island, along with the two weeks they spent in a bunker with fake FBI, and the two weeks spent in a hospital with the  _ real _ FBI, has left Toni with PTSD. 

And one of her triggers is waking up alone. Because she spent six months sleeping in the sand with seven other girls, and that was fine, she’d wake up squished between Martha and Shelby, with Dot’s quiet snores and six other distinct breathing patterns, and she’d know that even on a deserted island, she was safe. But the two weeks after that? Spent alone in a tiny room without the other girls, without  _ Shelby _ , has left her panicking any time she returns to consciousness without a warm body curled up next to her. Because even with over a year of therapy under her belt, waking up alone still springs Toni into a downward spiral, like she was back in that damp, drab room all over again, begging for any information on where the other girls were and when she’d be reunited with them.

“G’mornin’ babe.”

Toni turns over in Shelby’s arms, smiling softly at the bright green eyes staring back at her. Pressing a chaste kiss to Shelby’s lips, she mumbles a quiet “morning Shelbs.”

“Big day today,” Shelby comments, drawing idle patterns up and down Toni’s bare back with her fingertips.

“Shh,” Toni hushes. “No talking yet. Just cuddling.”

Shelby giggles, but complies, wiggling to press their bodies impossibly closer. 

It doesn’t take very long for her to begin to hum along with whatever song is stuck in her mind, Toni figures it’s probably some old Taylor Swift song that Shelby loves and she pretends to hate. It’s nice, here in their little bubble of warmth and love. Their morning cuddles are probably one of Toni’s favorite things in the world. It grounds her in a way that very little else does. It gives her a few moments to sift through any dreams she had the previous night, and process any feelings of unease they might have stirred up, because many of Toni’s dreams feature the island.

And Toni’s barely been awake for ten minutes and she’s already thought about the island twice, which doesn’t really indicate that today is going to be a very good day. 

At least they’ve reached a point where there are more good days than bad days. When they first moved into this apartment, Toni had a lot of bad days. Nightmares plagued her unconsciousness multiple times a night for several weeks at least. Between her own nightmares and Shelby’s equally as frequent ones, they didn’t really manage to get much quality sleep. But it would’ve undoubtedly been worse for Toni if she hadn’t woken up from those nightmares cradled in Shelby’s embrace. 

“Babe, I can practically hear you thinking too hard right now,” Shelby murmurs, bumping her nose gently against Toni’s in an effort to pull the brunette from her thoughts. “Talk to me, T.”

“Big day today,” Toni echoes Shelby’s earlier words.

“Y’know, if we squint our eyes at our memories and actively ignore most of what actually happened, we can pretend today’s just the anniversary of when we first met,” Shelby offers.

“I dunno Shelb, isn’t acknowledging the date you first met somebody as an anniversary kinda… gay?”

“I was under the impression that  _ we _ are kinda gay, babe,” Shelby gives a cheeky grin. “Do we actually just share this bed platonically? The sex last night didn’t really feel all that platonic, Toni. _ Whew _ , I am gonna need a lot of therapy if we’ve been just friends this whole time.”

“Shut up,” Toni rolls her eyes affectionately. “If we acknowledge  _ our _ first meeting anniversary, then we have to acknowledge it’s also the first meeting anniversary we had with the other girls, too. And I’m not putting that idea into Fatin’s head, she’d never let us live it down.”

“Good thing we don’t share our actual anniversary with the other girls then, huh?” Shelby muses. “We’re twenty-three days from two years. Hope you’re ready to celebrate  _ that _ .”

Toni thinks about the little velvet box that is rolled up in a pair of Nike socks, tucked away deep in her basketball duffel, somewhere in their closet. She hasn’t necessarily decided if she’s going to propose on their anniversary, but the thought has crossed her mind. “I’m looking forward to celebrating that, actually.”

Shelby smiles, soft and sweet, and Toni feels the heaviness in her chest begin to melt away. 

They’re not on the island anymore. They’re safe in their Los Angeles apartment, and their best friends are coming over in a few short hours to reminisce and/or wallow about the fateful day two years ago when their plane “crashed” and their little family was born.

“We should get up,” Shelby says after a few more minutes of their cuddling.

Toni would gladly lay wrapped up in Shelby’s arms all day, but she knows Shelby gets anxious if she spends too much time in bed in the mornings when she knows she has plans even hours later in the day. “Wanna share a shower?”

Shelby lets out a laugh. “Are you going to cook me breakfast  _ before  _ or  _ after _ this hypothetical shared shower?”

“I mean, I’m not keeping track or anything, but I definitely made us breakfast at least the past three weekends in a row, so maybe you should be cooking for me, Goodkind.”

“I always cook dinner during the week,” Shelby reminds her.

“Last time I tried to cook dinner you literally  _ dragged _ me out of the kitchen,” Toni shoots back with a smirk.

“Only ‘cause you suck at making anything other than breakfast foods,” Shelby gives her own smirk at the exaggerated offended look Toni gives her.

“Okay fine. Shower sex first, then I’ll cook you breakfast, deal?”

“Slow your roll, Casanova, I haven’t agreed to anything more than hypothetically washing up at the same time to conserve water,” Shelby bites her bottom lip to suppress the grin that is trying to form.

Toni throws herself backwards to flop against the mattress with a loud, heavy sigh. “You are an evil, evil woman, Shelby Goodkind.”

Shelby can’t contain the laughter that bubbles out of her throat at Toni’s dramatics. “I mean, I can’t remember the last time we ever took a shower together that didn’t include a little extra, but who knows.”

Toni springs up from the bed, finally encouraged by Shelby’s words. “Wouldn’t wanna break tradition, then, hmm?”

Shelby rolls out of bed and gives Toni that one  _ look _ , and Toni is practically sprinting out of their bedroom and across the hall into the bathroom before Shelby even takes one step towards the door.

“Eager, are we?” Shelby asks as she enters the bathroom to the shower already running and Toni standing just outside it, waiting for the water to warm up.

“I mean, have you seen how hot my girlfriend is? Why wouldn’t I be eager?” Toni turns her head to look at Shelby, who is also still naked from last night’s activities, and Toni meant to continue teasing, maybe point Shelby toward the mirror if she needed a reminder, but no matter how many times Toni has seen Shelby’s body, she can’t help but lose all her words and just admire  _ all  _ of the beautiful woman that she loves.

“I dunno, Toni. My girl’s not so bad to look at either,” Shelby says when it’s clear that Toni is just going to continue checking her out for probably the millionth time.

“Wow, in my head I was thinking about how breathtakingly gorgeous you are and all I get is ‘not so bad’ in return. I’m hurt. Shelbs, you better come kiss it better.”

And who is Shelby to deny such a request?

A while later, Toni shuffles around the kitchen preparing pancakes and eggs and the slightly weird-tasting vegan sausages that Shelby adores. Shelby watches from her stool on the other side of the kitchen island, singing along to all the songs that play from the bluetooth speaker on one of the counters. The playlist Shelby chose for this morning is a joint playlist she shares with Toni, where they exclusively add songs that remind them of each other. Shelby adds a lot of Taylor Swift, and Toni’s contributions reflect her own eclectic music taste, but Shelby cherishes every song that Toni has chosen to include, because she gets a little more insight on Toni’s feelings for her with every song.

Toni refills Shelby’s coffee cup without Shelby even having to ask, and if Shelby didn’t find Toni’s doting on her absolutely adorable, she would make a joke about how this is almost like being at some restaurant for a nice brunch. Instead, Shelby gives her a big smile and a quiet “thanks, babe.”

Shelby checks her phone for the first time that morning after they are both finished eating, and she’s not surprised to see the many texts from the  _ Unsinkable Eight _ groupchat, mostly from last night after Toni and Shelby had abandoned their phones in favor of their bed. She scrolls through the messages and laughs at the dynamic of her best friends. “Fatin offered to bring some chocolate cake for us all today.”

Toni scoffs. “I hope everybody gave her an emphatic ‘fuck no’ to that.”

“Rachel was just as crude as you would’ve been, don’t worry,” Shelby tells her. “And then they were speculating at why neither of us had responded for a while.”

“I hate them so much,” even while Toni says the words, she’s smiling, and Shelby laughs at the obvious lie.

“You spend half a year on an island with a group of girls and then suddenly they’re placing bets on your sex life.”

Toni’s jaw drops. “They were placing bets?  _ Again _ ?”

“Not all of them. Martha and Rachel refrained,” Shelby offers.

“Actually I’m surprised by Rachel not betting,” Toni says.

“She had a few choice words about the girls discussing our intimate business yet again. Said something about not wanting them putting those images in her head.”

“Fuck, I don’t want them imagining us having sex either. I know we’re hot but I don’t even want to share the  _ idea _ of us like that with them,” Toni frowns.

Shelby reaches out to place a soothing hand on Toni’s cheek. “Aw, sweetie. Want me to talk to Fatin today and tell her to stop instigating talks like that?”

Toni leans in to Shelby’s touch, and shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe bring it up to Leah, have her encourage Fatin to chill on it.”

It’s a tactic all the girls use a lot when they want something from Fatin, the same way the girls will often go through Shelby to get Toni to agree to something. Rachel jokes that Fatin and Toni are simps, but Toni and Fatin are the ones with hot girlfriends while Rachel is single, so Toni doesn’t even fight back at that teasing, instead she suggests that maybe Rachel should start simping to get the attention of the lacrosse-playing English major that she’s been crushing on since the start of last semester.

“A’right, babe. I’ll chat with Leah and get it sorted. Don’t even worry ‘bout it anymore,” Shelby leans over and presses a kiss to the cheek her hand isn’t cradling. 

Toni can’t help but smile at the action, and most of her tenseness does indeed fade away. Shelby always seems to be able to have that calming effect on her. Toni is endlessly grateful for that. “What do we have left to do before the girls get here?”

* * *

Noon rolls around and right on the dot, there’s a flurry of knocks on the apartment door. 

Toni rolls her eyes at the punctuality, already knowing it’s Leah and Fatin arriving perfectly on time due to Leah’s anxiety, she would guess. She swings the front door open swiftly, greeting the duo at the door with a small smile.

“Toni! Baby, it’s been too long!” Fatin steps into Toni’s space and throws her arms around Toni’s neck dramatically. They saw each other two days ago. Toni hugs Fatin back just as emphatically.

After Fatin finally releases Toni, Leah offers a short and gentle hug and then trails after Fatin into the living room. Toni flicks the lock on the doorknob so the rest of the girls can just walk right in when they arrive, and then she follows the laughter to find the others.

Fatin and Leah have engaged Shelby in a group hug, and Toni smiles at the totally peaceful look she can see on Shelby’s face while they all embrace. 

Toni notices for the first time that Leah has a pretty big cloth bag slung over her shoulder. It’s not an altogether unusual occurrence, Leah will often buy little knick-knacks that remind her of her friends whenever she stumbles across them while out and about. She’s always got a gift for somebody, but Toni has never seen her lugging multiple around like she is now.

“Your fuckin’ door’s unlocked, dummy,” Toni jumps at the unexpected voice from behind her. She hadn’t heard Dot come in.

“That’s the point, asshole,” Toni shoots back, but she’s grinning as Dot leans over to wrap her in a hug. 

Toni always loves Dot’s hugs. She hugs like a suburban dad, patting on the back and all. Toni always gives Dot’s shoulder a quick squeeze before letting go fully from the embrace. 

“Dottie! Your hair looks  _ so _ good!” Shelby squeals from across the room. “I  _ love _ the red. Great choice.”

Dot gives a shy smile, as if she’s still not used to how many compliments the girls are always giving her, even when she’s had two years of it already. “Thanks, Shelbs.”

Toni watches Dot greet the others, and wonders if they’ll all ever stop greeting each other like they may never see each other again. She’s sure at least some of them notice and acknowledge that the reason they do that is because for a little while after being “rescued” they didn’t know when they’d next get to see each other. 

It’s why they all moved to LA when they finally got back. They couldn’t deal with being so far apart, and no one’s family was too inclined to refuse anything their traumatized daughters asked for. Fatin’s parents had generously offered to finance a few apartments for the girls in LA until their court case against Gretchen went through and they were paid reparations. 

So they all saw each other multiple times a week, yet still worried one day they’d wake up back in those drab bunker rooms locked up and alone. The settlements they received were obviously quite large, considering how heavily those months stranded impacted them.

When Rachel and Martha arrive, Rachel comes in brandishing a tray of homemade jello shots, and Toni can tell that at least some of them will be vomiting up their guts the next morning, reminiscent of the mussel incident, and Toni finds an amusement of the fact Rachel is always the one supplying something to make them puke.

“How the fuck did you convince Marty to make jello shots?” Toni accepts the tray and brings it to the kitchen island.

“Dude, it was her idea!” Rachel laughs. 

Toni gapes at how Martha is innocently greeting the others after having decided she’d be getting them all shitfaced on vodka jello shots today.

Rachel snorts at Toni’s expression, silently agreeing with its sentiment.

Nora turns up last, after having picked up takeout from three different restaurants so everybody would get their favorite. Even though the rest of the girls had eventually forgiven her for her part of the whole island mess, Nora still felt guilty that she had let Gretchen manipulate and take advantage of her. Buying food for them all made her feel good, helpful, useful. The girls weren’t going to complain about a free meal.

They do shots, they eat, they chat. After eating, more shots start circulating and more old island memories and stories start coming, the looser they all get.

“So…” Shelby drawls from her spot curled up with Toni by the lit fireplace. “Anybody up for an icebreaker?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new update of my other shoni fic coming soon ;)

**Author's Note:**

> let me know your thoughts. on twitter @ siimplyviibiing


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